Note: This article, by Dr. Sandra Wartski, Psy.D, was originally published in Psychology Today.
Key Points:
Our culture presents a confusing array of messages about bodies, eating, and health. We see media images that promote unrealistic (and generally unreal) bodies, sensationalized news stories about “health,” and an ongoing push for perfection. This “normative discontent” reflects rampant weightism and lookism in our world. Body negativity has been a long-standing issue for many decades, but today’s culture can feel even more extreme because of often misguided social media messages and heavily edited images.
Culture isn’t the only thing that triggers negative body image and disordered eating or exercise dysfunction; however, it is a significant factor. Sonya Renee Taylor, author of The Body Is Not an Apology, argues that no one is born with body shame; it is a learned behavior and an "indoctrination" from the world around us. Sadly, body terrorism is the native language for many.
Instead of loathing our bodies and assuming we need more willpower, let’s shift our perspective to building more skillpower. We need more balanced information to challenge unrealistic ideals, reduce the glorification of flawlessness, and promote self-respect. Most importantly, shifting negative body image is not about changing the body; it is about changing one’s image of and relationship to one’s body.
Some Facts About Body Image
Some Facts About Our Body
An Embodiment-Based Approach
Embodiment is the experience of being in one’s body, experiencing it as a source of sensation, connection, and agency rather than something to critique or fix. In the context of body image, embodiment means relating compassionately to the body from the inside-out, rather than viewing it primarily from an evaluative, outside-in perspective.
By being more embodied with confidence, rather than imprisoned in shaming beliefs, we can find negative body image liberation. People find more peace when they focus on appreciating the functionality (rather than the form) and on honoring (rather than hating) the body. This involves more compassion than criticism, leading to more, rather than less, care for the body.
Introducing the BODY Framework
Presented here is an acronym of BODY, which I am proposing as a way to shift ideas about our body without a focus on changing the body:
B – Befriend
O – Optimize
D – Disrupt
Y – Yes
Let’s examine each of these reframing steps in more detail.
'B' Is for 'Befriend Your Body'
Befriending our body as it is right now, without conditions, embodies an attitude of positive beliefs. Building an attitude of appreciation increases belief in the body’s worth. Owning our body with pride allows us to take care of it, rather than starve, criticize, or complain about it. This involves being with rather than fighting or rejecting the body.
As Deb Benfield, author of Unapologetic Aging, notes, “Your changing body is evidence of living. Of metabolizing both the beautiful and the brutal. Of adapting. Of protecting you.” Bodies are not a problem to manage; they are companions, historians, protectors. Let’s stop seeing our bodies as something to fix or change; let’s thank our bodies for helping us through pressure-packed days and the topsy-turvy of life.
'O' Is for 'Optimize Your Body'
Optimizing our body’s functioning means embracing occasions that support steady, stable care without obsession or overdoing. Offering a balance of movement and rest, of all the food groups, of social and solo time, and of indoor and outdoor time all allow for more overall optimization. Opening ourselves up to opportunities and experiences that support rather than sabotage the body’s optimal functioning improves well-being.
Let’s find more ways to care for our bodies kindly and effectively. Sometimes it can help to ask the important question, popularized by motivational speaker Jim Rohn, “If you don’t take good care of your body, where are you going to live?"
'D' Is for 'Disrupt Negative Thoughts'
Negative body image often involves many downward thought spirals that can range from distressing to devastating, and this impacts daily life and functioning. We need to disrupt the inner dialogue, as repetitive, negative self-talk becomes so familiar that it can begin to feel true.
Shifting the negativity involves detaching from disapproval, developing genuine affirmations to replace disparagements, and diversifying influences to include those that support our journey of embracing our body. We may not be able to erase decades of negative body talk, but we can begin to shift our focus to something slightly softer, gentler, and kinder.
'Y' Is for 'Yes to Life'
Saying yes to life and living means no longer postponing life for unrealistic perfection. Instead of “I’ll go do that as soon as my body changes,” can we instead aim to focus on things we enjoy rather than limiting engagement due to a negative body image belief?
Saying yes to life may involve breaking free from limiting beliefs and outdated notions of life values; saying yes to living means embracing more enriched, expanded perspectives. Our needs and interests matter, and our bodies are vessels of action ready to explore. Opting out and isolating keeps us more stuck in negativity, while engaging in life broadens our perspective and re-energizes us.
Healing Your Body With BODY
Life is short. Let’s go live fully in the world, rather than only worrying about how we think the world is looking at us.
When we use the BODY acronym, we are engaging in beneficial befriending, owning our true selves, optimizing, disrupting the derogatory, and saying yes to living. These changes are simple to say but hard to put into action; however, body shame lessens when it comes out of hiding. Talking more openly about this with others not only increases the multiplier effect but also reduces feelings of powerlessness and isolation for every body.